Category Archives: Marriage and Family

Q. Does God see choosing singleness to be equally as good as marriage?

A picture of a lone man with his head down. A Scripture reads, It is not good for the man to be alone. Genesis 2:18.
Various circumstances may cause some people to not marry and others to lose a spouse. All can live fulfilling, God-glorifying lives. Paul learned to be content in whatever state he was in (Philippians 4:11). So should we all. But are those who teach singlness as a choice that is equal to or even better than marriage going too far?

A. Years ago, if a Christian never married, his or her spiritual brethren might consider it mildly unfortunate, but they usually remained polite enough to stay out of the person’s personal life. Now, however, “celebrating singleness” has become so trendy that many Christian writers and preachers are advocating staying single. Whether someone marries or not is that person’s private business, but false teaching is potentially damaging and ought to be exposed.

Instructions that misrepresent the Bible regarding singleness can lead people—usually impressionable young believers—to make decisions they may later regret. No matter how preachers and Christian writers try to distort Scripture to sound as if singleness without compelling circumstances is a plan for your life that is on a par with marriage, the Word of God really says otherwise: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Period. Full stop. Right through the New Testament, except for very unusual circumstances most of us will never experience, the Bible never strays from that position. Yet, because singleness is so promoted as a fabulous lifestyle, many who hear the propaganda question the Bible’s stand.

1 Corinthians 7

But what about what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7? Didn’t he say, “it is good for a man not to touch a woman”? Yes and no. Actually, Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:1, was quoting “it is good for a man not to touch a woman” from a letter the Corinthians had written to him. In the verses that follow, he addresses the subject they raised: “But, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2-3). If you think that doesn’t sound like singleness, you’re right. It’s marriage. Rather than not touching each other, men and women are supposed to marry.

Later, Paul gives his opinion, not commandment, that he believes that if they have the self-control, it is better for the unmarried to remain so. But he admits that, if they don’t have the self-control, they had better marry. And let’s admit it; most people don’t have that self-control. Later, in verses 25ff, Paul appears to explain his opinion as based on the “distress that is on us.” By this, he is speaking of severe persecution. Although he expressly allows marriage for those who want it, his opinion was that changing our state—marrying, separating, buying, even weeping and rejoicing—sets our minds on worldly things, which is an unnecessary distraction from the kingdom of God when the time is so short. Notice that Paul’s reason was so that those who were facing possible martyrdom could focus what remained of their lives on the kingdom of God. He had no other possible reason for singleness in mind. Those who use 1 Corinthians 7 to advocate singleness today, unless they are specifying an area of the world where there is great persecution, are taking Paul out of context.

Jesus

Jesus spoke of being a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake (Matthew 19:10-12). But being a eunuch for the kingdom was not the normal course that Jesus expected for someone’s life. Jesus clearly said it was not for everyone, but that being able to do this was a gift: “Not all men can receive this saying, but those to whom it is given” (verse 11). And it had one reason and one reason ONLY. That reason was to sanctify your life to the furtherance of the kingdom of God.

So, if you want to solemnly dedicate your life to the preaching of the Gospel, living a self-sacrificing life of peril and poverty as did Jesus and Paul, entirely focused on the one goal of getting the Gospel to the lost, and you believe that God has given you this gift so that you will have no desire for or temptation to have sexual intimacy, then you go right ahead and plan on being single. If, on the other hand, you want to remain single with any other goal in mind, then, sorry, the Bible does not support your choice.

If you are planning your future as the breezy life of a single person—this is how I will be self-fulfiled, this is how I can find myself, this is how I can live the life I want, this is how I can reach my career goals, this is how I can have the stuff I want—you have your head on cross-threaded. I advise you to take it off, align the threads with God’s will, and try again.

But, you might ask, if it’s okay to plan to stay single for the Gospel’s sake, why not for other reasons? The answer is simple. The Bible doesn’t give other reasons for planning to be single.

But, argue some famous preachers who ought to know better, Jesus didn’t marry, and, thus, He set an example to follow. Excuse me, but Jesus’ life wasn’t typical in many ways, and, therefore, we cannot just live the way He lived. Jesus’ physical life met the rare criteria for singleness we just discussed. Jesus dedicated His life to His ministry, and His life was a road to the Cross. Marriage would have been a distraction from the Gospel-centered focus for which He came. And He knew He would die an early and violent death. Thus, Jesus’ singleness cannot be held up as an example for the average Christian.

“Choosing” Vs. “Circumstances beyond Your Control”

Notice that all through this article, I’ve used the words “plan” and “choice.” I’m not talking about circumstances beyond your control. The reality is that there are some guys whose marriage proposals will always get turned down, some gals who will never be asked, and some folks who have physical or psychological or developmental disorders that make marriage questionable and maybe even out of the question. Related to this, some have been scarred by very bad home lives as children. These are things that have happened to these people. Some of these may be overcome; some may not. But these things have nothing to do with the self-absorbed, planning-to-be-single-and-free attitude I’m talking about.

There are those who preach that singleness is not a trial to be endured but a gift to be celebrated. By placing the poles of the dichotomy as far apart as possible, they create a straw man. Singleness is not the equal of being starved, dressed in rags, and enslaved to hand pull barges up the river (cue “Song of the Volga Boatmen“). Yet, neither is it a gift (as we’ve seen, the gift is the rare ability to be single and dedicate your life fully to the kingdom of God). Neither is singleness something to be celebrated as if it were an academy award.

Singleness is not a superior or even an equal choice to marriage; it is not something to desire for any reason other than focused dedication to the Gospel. That’s because, rather than the joyful lifestyle choice presented in so many books, singleness is merely a circumstance. Unless you’ve chosen it because you have the gift to devote your life entirely to the Gospel, or unless you have some mitigating circumstance, if you have consciously chosen to be single, your choice is not biblically supported. Singleness is something that happens to you for reasons that maybe God only knows and which you can learn to live with and still have a fulfilling life. It is not something to desire.

God and Your Private Life

“But what right has God to interfere in my private life?” you ask. Every right: “Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Paul wrote the above verses in the context of talking about fleeing sexual immorality. Let’s face it, many who plan to stay celibate while single don’t succeed. Celibacy is not the way God made us. Remember again, it was our Creator who said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). He did not make men and women to be independent units putting their selfish desires first. Those who hype singleness are speaking contrary to the natural order that God has established. In the world, we can expect selfish fads to be popular. Such things ought not be promoted amongst believers.

God made humans to be teams of two close-knit people of the opposite sex working together through life and supplying each others’ physical and emotional needs. This includes sex, but goes far beyond it. It encompasses the hand that reaches out during a social engagement, the conversations that go late into the night as your minds become one, the times when you’re snuggling together and saying nothing, the nursing through sickness, the coaching through the birth of a child, the support through trial, the word of correction fitly spoken, the long walks hand-in-hand, and—after 35 years of marriage—I could go on and on.

Before closing, I want to be sure that you understand that I am not talking about condemnation for the choices you make. If you are a believer, you are not under the law and you are not under any condemnation. What I want to leave you with is an admonition not to be swayed into a trendy choice now that you may regret later. From the beginning, God made men and women to pair off in marriage. Don’t be so quick to give it up for a life of me, myself, and I.

Peter Ditzel

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Why I Won’t Be Signing the Nashville Statement

by Peter Ditzel

On August 29, 2017, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) issued the Nashville Statement. You can read it on their site here or in this PDF version. The initial signatories include many prominent leaders from Christian Conservatism/American Evangelicalism. According to its preamble, it was written “in the hope of serving Christ’s church and witnessing publicly to the good purposes of God for human sexuality revealed in Christian Scripture.” Thus, CBMW wrote the statement not just to the Christian community who would, hopefully, understand it in the context of the Gospel and, in fact, all Scripture. It was also written to the public at large, which we must assume is not well-versed in Scripture and internal Christian jargon.

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Is Sex Outside of Marriage Okay for Christians Today?

by Peter Ditzel

Before I take on this subject, I want to explain why I am writing about it. I don't want to be mistaken for moralizing, being a legalist, or laying guilt on anyone. I am not trying to sic the law on anyone or be judgmental. 

I am writing this article because I am concerned that the secular humanist society we live in and which dominates the media and education is beginning to have more of an influence on Christians than Scripture. In fact, this reasoning is behind much of what I write. But, in this area of life particularly, the effect of our secular humanist culture, the failure of parents and the church to pass on a truly biblical world view, and the neglect of Christians to studiously examine the Bible for themselves are resulting in Christians becoming ignorant of the standard of behavior that becomes a Christian. Or, if they are aware of this standard, they fall for the relativist argument that it is old fashioned and no longer applies to Christians today. And so we have people—usually young people but not always—who think that petting, casual sex, friends with benefits, and even living together unmarried are acceptable behaviors for Christians. They are not, and I want to explain why.

We live in a world that considers itself in a state of moral flux. That is, right and wrong are thought of as not concrete but change as society develops. In such a society, it is common for even Christians to wonder whether sex outside of marriage is okay.

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Q. Is Genesis 6:1-4 saying that angels married humans? Who are the “sons of God”?

by Peter Ditzel

A. Before studying into this question in depth, I assumed I knew the answer. So I surprised myself with what I found. I also found that the correct understanding of this passage is important because it serves as a lesson for us today. I will go through the common explanations of this passage, show from the Bible which is correct, and then discuss what we can learn from this lesson.

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Do You Love Me?

by Peter Ditzel

CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE MIGHT BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR FREE TIME, YOUR GOLF SCORE, AND, FOR SOME, EVEN YOUR CAREER GOALS.

Parents, what is the most important thing you can do for your children? Provide for them financially? give them a stable environment? schedule quality time with them?

Reading parenting books and magazines might lead you to believe that at least some of the above are the most important things you can do for your children. But I have it on good authority that the number one thing you can do for your children is something else altogether. My authority is the Bible.

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Q. Where did Cain get his wife?

A. This question arises because most people assume that Adam and Eve had only three children: Cain, Abel, and Seth. Therefore, some people think that Cain must have found his wife from among some other family of humans. But the Bible says that all people come from Adam and Eve (see Genesis 3:20). Although the Bible specifically names Cain, Abel, and Seth as Adam and Eve’s children, it says that they had other children. In Genesis 5:4, we read, “And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters.” Some have assumed that this verse means that Adam had the other sons and daughters after Seth, but there is nothing in the wording of this verse that implies this. In other words, Adam and Eve had many other children throughout their long married life, both before and after the birth of Seth (Adam lived 930 years and God had commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply”—Genesis 1:28). For the sake of not competing for grazing, hunting, and tillable land, they would have spread over a large area. It is to these members of his family that Cain went and found a wife. Of course, this also applied to Seth.

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